Free to be me!

At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can’t always see

(Chorus) ‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl
I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt

(Chorus) And you’re free to be you

Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think
I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it’s easy to believe
Even though

Chorus)

by i cant spell her name.....

cause I am funny

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/165/420005318_c5c40a74cd_o.jpg

You are everything to me...

wedding! We get to announce the engagement in like 2 weeks?!?!?!

It is going down at the bank!

*sigh* I am ready. It is going to be on EITHER feb 13th 2010 or in june or late in 2010. we are hoping that first part of febuary. But we will have to see. so. you know.

*whine* why does it have to cost so much to adopt?!?! How am I supposed to find a baby?! I will have my own baby, yes, but what happens when I want to adopt a baby???? *whines* I want a baby. Ready to be married. Ready. Ready.'


Ready to be a mommy............... TO OLIVER!

a lady aint what she wears but what she knows

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHXEE7Pi6iQ

I love that song! Video by India arie.

Yesterday I wokee up and I weighed myself. Yes it was still nothing new. 129.8 but it was .2 pounds less then i usually weigh... i hadn't eaten yet either.

I decided I was going to put a bit of effort into dressing nice. So with just a little bit of know how and my normal everyday nothing special body I dressed. and I went to church, and i was told so many times how good I looked, how pretty I was. It contenued throughout the day.

Did I feel pretty? heck yes! was I still wearing walmart clothes. of course I was! so what was it that made me still look abosolutly spo attractive?

Because I KNEW i looked good, Because I felt good.

Heidi who I work for is a nice healthy 250lbs at 5'10. Is she skinny? no! is she always happy with her body, no. But when she dresses up (in her maternity shirts) she feels attractive, and hot damn is she!

"A lady is not what she wears but what she knows!" - india arie

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeTTbHccQ6m1y6H3ZhI8Y0Dvdx2uxqWsRHS7emRYvReBPWwLDLCQu8i-MAKrQBsGirYpxEL-6yT5sSBMgtQrpkTPNRlvIGZCNjpLvICTDfvhUV01UUfQHAOoKpUR0cijJGF-nHqiskzVfU/s400/cycle.jpg
Without my eating disorder i am still sexy as all get out

I am one of the smartest most intelligent women you will ever meet. I may not always come off as that. i say stupid things and have ditzy moments. But I can speak 2 langagues fluently i am partally learned in a third. I have travleled all over the united states doing mission work. I have taught sunday school for 5 years. i have more experiance with special needs as a care assistant and educator then alot of people my age. If I have ever studied a subject, you best bet that i can tell you anything about it. Everyone mocks me for it, but I know so much about animals it is crazy.

I am a beautiful woman

The website is crashed, the sky is falling

Much to my LARGE irritation the gallery at Pogstar is down :(

WTF! How am I supposed to see the pictures of Oliver that I KNOW are there! or at least, I suspect. or I hope?

Jacob is playing with a toy and we are watching Oswald.

Grandma and Grandpa are down.

Between Dad and McKeah my house is worse than ever, oddly enough it has caused my mom and I to be so much closer. Because mostly, we just don't want to be down stairs.

For Oliver I have gotten all of the following, seriously, what more can he want?!?!
20 gallon tank
wheel
snack food
water bottle
bowl
90 quart home

I NEED to get 2 heating disks and then once I find out exactly his food! and a hedgebag!

"Current Litters - Ready Early to Mid February
Aldana x Corcoran - on hold
Bree x Hades - on hold
Coelura x Ash - on hold "

that bold, is oliver! his brother is a breeder!

jacob is holding my foot!

I wanna be like you! (laura)

So besides the obvious reasons of my initial friendship with Laura (The breeder adn
owner of Pogstar Hedgehogs) being that she breeds hedgehogs.

But when I really lay in bed at night (because I love to think there and will go to
bed hours early for the time thinking) and I think or rather try and figure out what
it is that I see her in that made me pick her. I mean I started looking at hedgehog
valley first, and you know there was just something that didn't really catch my eye.They both were mom's, both had kids, but you know it was just something. Not that
the people at HHV are not amazing people, or great breeders.

So this last week, since I am sure she has been a very busy mom, but I have checked
my e-mail probably I kid you not 12 times a day waiting to hear from her or see a
picture. I have spent time back reading on the blog and finally I know what it is.

Growing up at our small farm was crazy. We had 27 animals and heated with wood and
homeschooled all while Dad stayed home with us. Mom was always gone at work and Dad
always home, and with my Dad comes the very chaos that is my father. Growing up I
was an angry kid, I hated life, I hated everything that was it. But I knew that if I
survived to it, That I was going to be a stay at home mom. Somehow, by God's grace
alone, I made it.

I made it past the horror that I created in college. and then I started LIFE as an
active willing participant in my 19th year. in August, just the month after my
birthday. I took classes, I tried, I worked hard. I met Mackenzie. We started
dating.

Was dating him easy? no. has it been an easy 14 months? no. will it be easy being
married? no.

But the comes where I see so much in common.

All I want in life is to stay home, on Mack's small but sufficent income, with our
children. I want to homeschool them. I want to adopt one or two and have 4 or so
kids. These things I have always known I wanted. To have them know the very amazing
this that is all creatures great and small. Ultamatly being a safe place for animals
who needed it.

and I guess when I decided on her, I saw alot of what I want in the things she
accomplished in life.

I am a total fan girl (for lack of better term) I am excited to get my baby from
her. To keep learning abotu hedgies, to share Olivers life with her. The pet expo?
if she is there count me there ALLL day one day with her.

I would love to someday have my own little baby hedge hogs, but you know, that may
not work out so perfect for me. if not I call it fine, I will love the one's I own,
and will love the new found friend I have in Laura.

Re: imagine that

a few weeks back Charlotte wrote about dreamers and realists. She is very much a realist, Dennis so much a dreamer. I often think of myself as a dreamer and NOT a realist. Yet in Mackenzie and I I have something of a 'problem' that is not such a traditional one. In me being a dreamer I say I want this and I am going to do that. I am going to go get 50 mroe peircings and 20 tattoo's do I ever do it? Of course not! when mack dreams, sometimes I do such a bad job at forgetting and get all angry. When he says he wants a car, he actually tries to get his dream but I never do, so I am the mean realty breaker when I say, we can't afford two cars. It makes me feel like a jerk sometimes (okay, often) to have to break bad news. But do i really have to break it?. Or will he run to the edge stick his foot in the water play in it and dash back? Do i just over react? I will say straight up, I am a reacter, i DONT just wait and see, i plan 7 months in advance.

Oliver comes home at the end of the month, I am not doing such a hot job at being patient :\